So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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