That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
