New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
