I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
