"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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