I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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