ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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