I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
