Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
