Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
