my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
