Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
