Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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