I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
