My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
