Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
We smell like vodka and hangover
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
