I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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