thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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