im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
