508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
