ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
