Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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