he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
