I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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