I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
