if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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