ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
