You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
