watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Randomize