There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
3pm strippers are depressing
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
