I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
