Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
