Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
