I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
