You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
