Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize