how can u be prego again
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
