just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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