heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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