ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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