It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
