I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
