super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
