we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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