I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
