Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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