Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
