According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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