Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
