Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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