When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize