JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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