I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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