I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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