So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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