Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
PANTIES FOUND
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