So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
