she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
