Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
