Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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