I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
