You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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