I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
