it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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