I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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