so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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