I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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