Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
