My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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