1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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