drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
